the road to hell is paved with petals
by cynthesii
Summary: It began as a spring day just as any other, except it wasn't. "Can I hug you?" a voice said behind you. Your head turned towards the sound on instinct, and suddenly your dulled world was filled with brilliant shades of grey and blue. At four years of age, you encountered your third major crisis: love. (a hanahaki au, in which todoroki really needs a hug) TODOROKI X READER
1. absence makes the heart grow flowers

_At only four years of age, you encountered your first major crisis: daycare._

 _It had been a spring day just like any other, except it wasn't- not for you anyway. This would mark your first day away from home, and away from the bindings of your parents' strict influence. It was strange, finally having the freedom you had craved for so long in your hands, but you gratefully treasured the independence granted to you nonetheless._

 _So, why were you sitting alone, at the back of the room, staring at the large cherry blossom tree from beyond the windows?_

 _Frankly, you were scared beyond belief. Socializing just wasn't your thing, especially with kids as obnoxiously loud as the ones in your classroom. Everything was just too overwhelming for you- the bright lights, the loud sounds, the sight of tiny bodies running tirelessly around each other. In the midst of the commotion, your heart beat rapidly. Your breathing became more shallow. You felt like you were going to pass out. Unlike your monotonous home life, this was all too much for you to handle._

 _Freedom was truly a frightening thing._

 _So, you sat there, staring off in your own little world. That is, until a soft voice beside you cut into your thoughts and rang gently in your ears, waking you from your daydream._

 _"Can I hug you?" a voice said behind you._

 _Your head turned towards the sound on instinct, and suddenly your dulled world was filled with brilliant shades of grey and blue. His eyes captivated you, stunning you in place with their sheer intensity. Unlike your parents' gaze, he stared at you with an unfamiliar and chilling sense of transparency and honesty. It sent a shiver down your spine, and you were rendered helpless against the enchanting boy in front of you._

 _He opened his mouth again, a little embarrassed by his previous choice of words. "Mama says that I should give people who look sad a hug. You looked sad, so I want to give you a hug."_

 _The word spilled from his mouth and rang gently like a chime in your ear. It was soothing._

 _"I'm not sad," you replied after a thoughtful moment._

 _His alluring and cheerful eyes soon turned crestfallen. It felt… wrong. Seeing the mysterious boy dejected made your heart ache. You realized that you liked him better smiling than with a frown on his face._

 _Too caught up in your own thoughts, you didn't notice the unknown boy had approached you until he was right in front of your chair. His soft and gentle hands cupped your tightly clenched ones, easing the fears that had engulfed you only minutes prior. Before you knew it, he had guided you into standing in front of him._

 _You were completely helpless when it came to the boy with red and white hair._

 _Then, small, trembling arms found their way behind you to encase you in a soft, heartfelt embrace. With his head right next to your ear, his words reverberated throughout your entire being, spreading a sense of belonging along with it._

 _"I wanna give you a hug anyway."_

 _He's caught you off guard. But, you silently admitted to yourself that his hug's not an entire unpleasant sensation. If anything, you would have said that being in his arms made you feel safe. And so, you allowed it to continue, bringing your own hands up to clutch the back of his shirt, rather uncertain of how to reciprocate the innocent hug._

 _And when he he pulled away to greet you with that dazzling smile of his, you wished that the moment would last forever. Seeing him smile was your favorite thing, you decided. It brought a smile to your own lips, and a warm, fuzzy feeling all throughout your body._

 _"My name's Todoroki Shouto! I wanna be your friend!"_

* * *

Your eyes blink open, and you could feel the gentle warmth from your dream already fading. Lying in your bed, you wake up to find yourself surrounded by cherry blossom petals once again. It's no mystery how they ended up there despite your window being closed, but you don't think too much of it, as usual.

It's spring, and the cherry blossom tree outside your room are in full bloom. A new day, another fleeting memory, another morning full of petals. You sigh. Days where you woke up from dreaming about past memories were the hardest. On days like these, nothing ever seemed to work out in your favor. The coughing fits seemed especially bad as well.

It's been eleven years since that fateful first meeting, and sometimes you wonder where things had gone wrong. When you were four, things seemed so much happier compared to how they were now. But, there would be no room for nonsense like that this morning. Today was the day of your first prospective marriage interview—your first Miai meeting—after all.

Pushing the covers off and dusting the petals from your body, you go to open the window and start your morning routine.

"Good morning, Shou," you say to the cherry blossom tree. "I wish you were here. I really need a hug today."

* * *

 _It began as a winter day just as any other, until you realized that it wasn't: Shouto hadn't shown up to daycare. To you, it was surreal moment and something you had never thought to imagine. Ever since that first day when Shouto asked you to be his friend, he had stuck to you like like glue, never failing to show up and greet the you with an excited hug. Wherever you went, he went too. Whatever you did, he did too. There was no you without Shouto, and no Shouto without you._

 _The boy brought with him colors that you'd never seen before- frustration, sadness, jealousy, excitement, and most of all, happiness. To you, Shouto was like your cherry blossom tree at home— a comforting friend and a constant presence you could rely on to be there no matter what happened. He was always there, armed with his warm embrace and ready to attack you with it whenever possible._

 _So the fact that it was noon and Shouto still hadn't shown up disturbed you greatly. If there was one thing Shouto was, it was that he was never, ever late. It felt lonely without him by your side, and you hated it. You cried yourself to sleep that night._

 _The next day, Shouto showed up and tackled you in a bear hug so loving you completely forgot about the previous day's sorrows. Things were right again, or so you thought._

 _You would soon learn that the days without Shouto— the days you hated the most— would become more frequent though time. Without any explanation or hint, Shouto would go missing from daycare and return as if nothing had happened. Every time you asked him about what had happened, he refused to give you a reply and instead swallowed you in his warm embrace. Eventually, you learned to stop questioning his mysterious disappearances and just cherish the moments you had with him. For another half a year, things continued like this._

 _And then, It was a spring day just as any other, not that you realized it; today, there would be no Shouto. And the next day. And the following days after that._

 _You tried to believe that he had caught a nasty cold and was fighting it off ferociously, you really did. But deep down inside, you knew something was wrong this time. Maybe Shouto had finally abandoned you too._

 _So when Shouto finally came back one winter day, grey eye ablaze and heart as cold as ice, you couldn't stop the trembling in your hands as you ran toward him, pulled him into a tight hug, and cried like there was no tomorrow._

 _All you could think about was how something was very, very wrong. After all, what were you supposed to assume when half of his face was wrapped in bandages? Those brilliantly colored eyes that were so full of life were no more. All you could see in them were unadulterated hate and rage. Could he even see you?_

 _Your arms were wrapped around his body in that familiar manner, and in that instance you realized something important;_

 _You weren't crying because you missed him._

 _You were crying because you knew Shouto's tears had dried up. He couldn't cry anymore._

 _The tears that failed to spill from his eyes instead fell from your own, and the pain he couldn't feel in his hardened heart struck yours intensely. It set your soul aflame, and you couldn't tell if your heart was on fire or as cold as ice. It just hurt._

 _And then, there was one more thing you realized._

 _That day, Shouto never returned your hug._

 _At five years of age, you encountered your second major life crisis; A heart broken into irreparable pieces._

 _(You wouldn't realize this until later, but that had also been your best friend's last day at daycare. You would never see him there again.)_

* * *

Sighing, you plop down on your bed and allow yourself to sink into the plump mattress and along with it, old, painful memories.

As your years apart grew longer, your memories of Shouto only grew stronger. Though you two had only been together for a measly year and a half, the impression he left on your soul ran deep. As you grew up, those happy times became your source of comfort in the harsh trials to come. From your quirk training, all the way to the death of your mother, your childhood memories of gentle and expressive Shouto had become a source of strength for you.

You only wish that it had been the same for him.

* * *

 _It had been six years since Shouto's sudden disappearance from daycare, and not a day had passed that you didn't think of your best friend. Keeping the old, familiar title was a lot easier than giving name to the painful ache in your chest. You missed him._

 _You naively clung to your youthful memories, hoping that you'd see him again one day and be able to pick up where you left off and continue your friendship. To continue those happy times._

 _It was a spring day just like any other, another day without Shouto and his hugs, except this time it wasn't. There, across the street, was a familiar tuff of red and white hair. Though he was much taller and skinnier than you remember, you recognized him nonetheless in a heartbeat._

 _"Shouto!" Your feet were running on instinct and his name came tumbling from your lips before you even knew it. Maybe this was fate's way of giving you another chance, telling you to not let him slip away again without telling you._

 _Hearing his name called, Shouto turned, and in that moment you realized that he wasn't alone. You recognized the large, fiery man beside him as Endeavor, the number two hero of Japan— Shouto's father. His presence was overwhelming and the glare in his eyes almost pressured you into running away. But no, you finally found Shouto again and not even his intimidating father could deter you from this moment._

 _You gulped. Turning to face Shouto, grey and blue eyes as beautiful as ever bore into yours and suddenly, six years of words you had been dying to say to your childhood friend were stuck in your throat. You could still see the seething hatred in his eyes being reflected back at you, and your heart cried out once more in sadness._

 _You had learned, though, that nothing would ever come to fruition if you just stood aside and allowed fate to run its course. So you opened your mouth, arms twitching by your side and ready to engulf the boy in a familiar hug._

 _Ba-dump._

 _"Hey, Shouto, it's been a while." you start, nervously playing with the hem of your clothes. Being in front of him made you feel insecure; it was as if you were the same child he met on the first day of daycare. But that was then, and this was now._

 _Ba-dump, ba-dump._

 _"Do I know you?" he said, almost daring you to say yes._

 _You noticed how his voice was deeper than you remember, but also an air of hostility in his voice you definitely knew wasn't there before. It frightened you into silence._

 _Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump._

 _"I don't think we've ever met before, so don't use my first name as you please."_

 _And then, you swore you could almost hear the shattering of your glass heart once more. There was no trace of the lively and loving Shouto you used to know._

 _In that moment, you realized two things:_

 _Shouto had forgotten about you, and—_

* * *

Pulling on your favorite formal wear, you sighed for the umpteenth time that morning. At age fifteen, you were legally required by the government to begin your marriage meetings. With the cursed disease still running rampant as ever, it was a necessity in order to preserve the nation's future. According to your grandmother, there had been a nationwide poll to enact these marriage meetings after a huge epidemic had occurred worldwide. Clearly, the majority had spoken in approval.

Not that it really bothered you anyway. These meetings were intended to foster mutual love through mutual consent and prevent the formation of the dangerous disease. It made sense, considering the death rates and bad reputation that accompanied the cures.

Straightening your shirt, you remember your indifference as you sent in your questionaire on your fifteenth birthday; that indifference still stood today. And it would continue to stand throughout today's prospective marriage meeting, for it was already too late for you.

You already had someone you loved.

* * *

 _In that moment, at eleven years of age, you realized two things:_

 _That Shouto had forgotten about you, and—_

 _You had encountered your third major life crisis: unrequited love._

 _As the boy with raging grey and blue eyes walked away from you, the sole cherry blossom petal you had just coughed up only solidified that fact. You were hopelessly, and irrevocably in love with Todoroki Shouto._

* * *

Hanahaki disease: an illness in which the victim coughs up flowers due to their one-sided love. If left untreated, the flowers inside the victim's body will bloom into full flowers, resulting in **_death_.**


	2. a flower for the fool in love

At age fifteen, you should've been excited for your first Miai arrangement.

There were a lot of things you should've felt, but inside you felt... empty. There was no nervousness, no excitement, no anxiety— just an overwhelming sense of nothingness. The melancholy that haunted you all morning as you got ready for the meeting disappeared when you realized that this would be your first and last chance to find mutual love. To let go of your unrequited feelings. To forget about Shouto. To live.

But if you forgot about the one who gave you the motivation to live, could you ever really call yourself alive at all?

As you're on your way to your assigned room in the Miai house, a fresh wave of melancholy washes over you, and you realize that tears are forming in your eyes once again. You quickly excuse yourself from your grandmother and father's side and rush to find the nearest bathroom.

You're relieved to find the bathroom stall empty when you step inside, and only when you've lock the door behind you do you allow the tears to fall. Your body leans back against the door for support, and you feel your legs slowly give out, causing you to slide to the floor.

Your sobs come in chokes, and you can't tell exactly why you're crying. Clutching the fabric above your chest, you desperately wished that you could feel something— anything would do.

Because nothing was just too much. The pain that should've been in your chest wasn't there, and it haunted you like a phantom pain.

It was just...

Empty.

And you hated it.

After what feels like forever, your breathing returns to a rhythmic pace, and the flow of tears reduce themselves to an occasional trickle. Mind hazy, you realize that your grandmother and father are still waiting for you, and you quickly attempt to fix your appearance in the mirror. It's a bit messier than what you had looked like before the crying spell, but it would do. At least with this, no one would suspect that you had been bawling your eyes out minutes prior.

Leaving your temporary safe haven behind, you slowly make your way back to your family and allow yourself a leisurely pace. It gives you some time to think about what's happened, and what's about to happen.

You were leaving Shouto behind.

All of a sudden, your hand flies to your mouth and you're left helpless against a violent coughing fit that racks your entire body. A flurry of petals shoot from your mouth with every hack, each cough more vicious than the last. Your body doubles over instinctively, and nothing you do can stop the physical pain that's growing in your chest.

With one final cough, you pull your hand away from your mouth, only to discover something new: amongst the petals lay a single, complete cherry blossom flower. A sense of dread washes over you and for the first time in a long while, you realize how grave your situation actually was.

Ah, crap. You were _dying_.

Unbeknownst to you, a pair of eyes linger on your form for a second longer before turning away to mind their own business once more. It was foolish, going to an Omiai house knowing full well that you had the Hanahaki disease.

But for you, being foolish was fine if it was proof that you were alive and in love.

* * *

Having had two emotional rollercoasters in the span of fifteen minutes, you allow yourself some more time before heading back to your assigned room. Once you're ready, you're grateful that the rest of the walk back is uneventful.

However, you can't stop the pounding in your chest as you near the private room. Although you knew your life would change (for better or for worse) once you opened that door, you felt as though there was something larger at work. As if, your mind was telling you that things would never be the same, and that you would never be able to return to this way of life anymore.

Heart pounding in your ears, you stop in front of the door and place your hand on the door handle. Your palms are sweaty, and the nervousness you hadn't felt earlier comes rushing at you in full force.

 _It's now or never_ , you think to yourself. Bracing yourself for the worst, you pull the sliding door open.

"I apologize for the wait—"

And then, your breath hitches as your monochrome world begins to slow.

Everything moves in slow motion, and you're hyper aware of your surroundings. The lights are blinding, there's a dry, wooden scent in the air, and you can feel everyone's gazes on you.

But none of that matters to you, because there, sitting across from your grandmother and father, sits a boy clad in a black turtleneck, black pants, and beige cardigan. Time moves at snail's pace as you meet his gaze.

And once you do, your world bursts in a myriad of colors. Emotions you haven't felt in a long time attack you in a flurry, and you're left feeling overwhelmed at the sight before you.

Staring back at you are a pair of heterochromatic eyes, and they're _beautiful_. They captivate you, sending a chill down your spine with their intensity of emotions. You're vaguely aware that you're still standing in the doorway with everyone's eyes on you, but none of that matters to you.

Because all you can see are brilliant shades of grey and blue, two colors you had grown to love when you were four.

"Shouto?"

* * *

After you've taken your seat in between your father and grandmother and exchanged greetings with Shouto and Endeavor, the next ten minutes pass by in a blur.

You're only vaguely aware of the pleasantries that are passed around as well, not that you really cared for those anyway.

" _... Shouto's quirk seems very powerful..."_

" _... will be attending UA in the upcoming school year..."_

" _... would make a nice pair..."_

Lost in your own thoughts, you can't help but think that it must be some cruel twist of fate, or perhaps grace by destiny, that your Miai partner was the one person you had been longing for this entire time. You try to keep a stoic face throughout the meeting, but you know you're failing horribly with that stupid smile that's plastered on your face.

And for once in your life, you were grateful that you were born into a distinguished family. Given a man like Endeavor, he would have made sure to pull some strings behind the scenes in order to ensure that his son's first meeting partner wasn't someone of low standards. Your father was the same.

But you could care less about the hows and whys of the situation. All that mattered was that here, in front of you, sat Shouto in his full glory. His eyes are as stoic as ever, but there's a fire in his eyes that hadn't been there the last time you saw him.

And boy,

Has he _matured_.

Compared to when you had accidentally bumped into him several years prior, the boy had grown up well enough to nicely fill out the turtleneck and cardigan he was wearing. He was certainly a sight for sore eyes.

Your cheeks flush at the thought, and you can feel your heart pounding erratically in your chest. Shouto really would be the death of you, one way or another.

"Dear, do you feel alright?" Your grandmother's voice cuts through your thoughts like a knife, and suddenly you're brought back to the present. Your cheeks flush once more, but this time out of embarrassment of being caught red-handed. All eyes are on you again, and at varying levels of concern for your health.

Before you can respond that you're fine, your father interjects. "Some fresh air would do you good. There's a garden here that you can walk in," he says.

And before you can insist on your good health, Endeavor quickly agrees to the idea as well. "Shouto, go with them."

That's how you end up with Shouto, alone, wandering aimlessly amongst the garden together.

* * *

You're paced a few steps behind him, allowing him some space as the two of you wracked your brain for something to talk about. As for you though, you were comfortable in the silence. So you let your thoughts wander to where they had left off, thinking about how absolutely divine Shouto looked now.

He was taller now, having replaced his baby fat with some obvious muscle. He carried himself with a sense of authority and purpose as well; it reminded you an awful lot of his innocent confidence when you were younger. And even from behind, you could tell that his eyes were as vibrant as ever.

But somehow... beneath the bravado and the confidence, you couldn't help but think that there was an air of loneliness as well.

You feel your arms twitch at your sides, itching to reel him in to a loving hug. But you don't. You mentally remind yourself that things are different now, and that the pleasures you indulged in when you were younger did not apply to your situation now.

Shouto wouldn't accept your hugs as he was now.

Eventually, the two of you reach the gazebo at the center of the garden, and you take your places at opposite ends of the structure. And for the first time since setting foot in the garden, Shouto turns to face you, eyes gazing into yours intensely, intent to discover the truth within you.

"Have we met before?"

Your breath hitches. Of all the things you had expected him to ask, that was not one of them. You can feel your heart stop as your hopes begin to rise. Maybe he remembers. Maybe, he just hadn't recognized you before. Maybe—

"You said my name when you entered the room."

And then, you can hear the sound of your hopes shattering once more. You feel the stubborn smile you've had on begin to fall, and the urge to cough swells up inside your throat.

Shouto doesn't remember, of course he doesn't remember you.

The pain in your chest grows, and you have to forcefully shove the lump in your throat back down.

"Why?" you ask. "Do I look familiar to you?"

The deadpan look in his eyes tell you all you need to know, but he speaks anway. "No, you don't."

Suddenly, you remember your childhood days with Shouto at daycare, and the pang inside your chest increases tenfold. How could he just _forget_ like that?

It hurt.

Shouto stares, contemplating his next words. The silence is stifling, and you can feel yourself suffocating from the sorrow within your heart. So you force the words inside your heart out with a choke, completely disregarding the ache in your chest.

"Maybe we have— maybe we haven't. But that's not what you want to ask, is it?"

He nods, and you can already guess what he wants to say. So you turn around to admire the flowers that surround the two of you instead.

Lilacs and cherry blossoms, you duly note. They're in full bloom all around, filling the air with a pleasant scent. It's too bad you can't find the heart within you to appreciate them.

"I have Hanahaki," you simply state. Even though you don't hear a response, you know he's listening intently and waiting for you to continue. So you do.

"You probably don't like the idea that I'm your partner, huh." The words drip from your mouth like honey, and you wonder where you found the strength to speak to him like that. "Given the fact that i might be dead in the next half or year or so, it seems like a waste of time."

"But," you turn to him, staring him down with a newfound resolve in your eyes, "I promise it won't be."

"Why?" he asks.

You take a moment to gather your thoughts and feelings, trying to convey the multitude of emotions that are swirling in your chest. "Because I say this with all my heart:

"Todoroki Shouto, will you be my friend?"

"And," you pause, trying to give form the feelings you've kept locked up for the past ten years, "one more thing—"

* * *

Few words were exchanged in the garden that day. If anything, you were sure you had left Shouto with more questions than when he had began with. But with the Miai meeting over with, and your partnership with Shouto practically solidified thanks to your respective parents, you knew that you would have to answer his questions in time.

There was one thing you knew for sure though: all hope was not lost.

Even though in the end, you had never gotten a reply from Shouto, you had said all that had needed to be said.

* * *

" _Todoroki Shouto, will you be my friend?_

" _And, one more thing—"_

 _I love you._

" _Thank you."_

* * *

pt 2, alternative title: ways to say i love you


	3. where lilacs lie

People often say that along with spring came new beginnings.

That much was true for you, too. After all, today would be your first day at school again and you were excited beyond belief!

It had been a long journey up until now, but after many long arguments and sleepless nights spent crying, you had finally gotten your father to stop your at-home education and allow you to attend school with other kids your age. Granted, there were some rules that you have to follow in return, but you were fine with the way things were. If it meant being able to live your life like a normal fifteen year old would, you were willing to compromise on the small details

Bouncing from your bed, you almost trip over your bed sheets as you make your way to your window and open it in a hurry. You can only barely stop yourself from yelling as your morning routine begins.

"Good morning, Shou! Today's the start of a new beginning!"

* * *

In contrast to your earlier eagerness, you take your time getting ready for the day slowly, making sure that everything is as perfect as can be.

A little while later, you're standing in front of the mirror, marveling at your handwork.

Grey blazer, ironed and pressed? Check!

Red tie, neatly knotted? Check!

Student I.D. and other necessary supplies? Triple check!

Deciding that everything was in order, you allow yourself a moment of rest and for the realization that, _this was actually happening,_ to fully sink in. The freedom that you had so longed for was finally here.

But all of a sudden, a coughing fit overwhelms you and your neatly arranged clothing becomes undone as you sink to the floor in agony. Lying there, on the floor as you listened to the sound of your heavy breathing, you wonder if this was the right decision after all. You feel your anxiety levels rise, and you have to mentally remind yourself that no matter what happens, you were doing this for yourself.

Society could mind their own business.

That didn't stop your hands from shaking in fear, though. After all, society didn't take well to those who contracted Hanahaki. In the first place, the disease itself was considered to be an ill-omen amongst the people, and those who possessed it were shunned by society. Some perceived it to be a sign of a tainted and impure love, while others believed that it was fate's way of cursing the wrong-doers of the world.

In society's eyes, you were the epitome of everything that wasn't meant to be.

You thought that it was all ridiculous suspicion in the end, but what did that matter? Once all's said and done, those with Hanahaki rarely ever recover on their own, for an unrequited love seldom ends in happiness. All that's left for the afflicted is a slow and painful death.

Nevertheless, you were scared— scared of how others would react if they knew. After the way your father had initially reacted when you broke the news about your illness, you had become too traumatized to let anyone else know about your disease. It just wasn't a part of yourself that you felt safe with sharing with anyone.

And yet, you had done it so easily with Shouto.

Why was that?

Taking a deep breath in, you close your eyes and remind yourself to focus on the present moment. No matter what happened, no matter how you felt in the end, you had resolved to live the rest of your life without regrets. You spent the next few minutes in a state of meditation, soothing your anxiety. Your eyes open once more when you hear your father calling you for breakfast, and a happy smile returns to your face.

You could do this.

You were a student at U.A. High now, after all.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, you're standing near the edge of the platform of your final train, waiting for it to pull into the station. You steel your nerves when it does, reassuring yourself that everything will be okay.

The train comes to a screeching stop, and you allow the previous passengers to step off before quickly making your way inside. You're not thinking much when you take the first open seat you see, too preoccupied with settling yourself in comfortably.

A minute later, once you've settled yourself down, your eyes turn to survey the train. There's a variety of people on board: young kids, elderly adults— all people you haven't interacted with in a long while.

Though, imagine your surprise when you look to your right and spot a uniform similar to your own sitting next to you, and a pair of large chestnut eyes staring back at you. After further some surveying, you find that the surprise on her face mirrors the one on your own, and for one reason or another, the two of you burst out laughing.

"I'm so sorry for that. I didn't mean to stare," she says, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I was just surprised to see the person next to me wearing the same uniform as I was. My names Uraraka Ochaco!"

You introduce yourself in return, and the two of you hit it off instantly. Because of this, your commute to school grounds is slow, and the two of you take your time getting to know each other. What did it matter, being the first one to class, when you already had a friend-to-be right next to you?

"So," she starts, "what kind of junior high did you go to?"

"Oh, I was homeschooled. Tutors and all, the whole shabam," you reply a little hesitantly as the two of you step off the train.

She perks up instantly, bounding a few steps ahead with a backwards pace. "Really? Wow, that's so cool! It must've been so nice, not having to commute to school every day when it's right inside your own house."

"Trust me, it's not as fun as you think it is." You laugh at her show of enthusiasm, and part of you wishes that it were the case. If only things were that simple. "My father decided to homeschool me out of concern for my own health."

You don't tell her how you have Hanahaki, or how your father only homeschooled you because he didn't want any rumors spreading about his only heir. Thankfully for you, Uraraka doesn't press the topic any further, and the two of you reach the entrance to 1-A soon after. Perhaps she had sensed your hesitation?

Instead, she turns towards the classroom, exclaims a cheerful "We're here!", and opens the door without further ado.

Instantly recognizing the person before her, she's quick to comment. "Ah, it's you! Curly hair kid!"

Off in her own world, Uraraka engages in a lively conversation with the boy in front of her. You figure that it's one of her friends, and offer a small "See you later," before side stepping and entering the classroom yourself.

Your eyes scan the room, searching for something you've been looking forward to all morning. Once you spot the familiar tuff of white and red hair at the back of the classroom, your heart soars instantly and you head off in his direction.

With each step you take, your heart beats in turn out of excitement. The smile you've had on your face with Uraraka is bigger now, and you can hardly contain your excitement as you near your destination. You stop in front of the seat, quickly gaining its occupant's attention, and cheerfully exclaim,

"Good morning, Shou!"

The words spill from your lips and the happiness on your face is clear. But something's off. Shouto doesn't reciprocate the action, and instead looks startled by your words. The surprise on his face slowly morphs into something you can't read. Confusion? Disdain? No, perhaps it was... sadness?

Only then do you realize what you had just said, the words automatically having slipped from your mouth. Only then do you realize the mistake in what you had just said.

He doesn't remember.

He doesn't remember the morning greetings, the morning hugs.

Your rights to call him "Shou" were invalid as of now.

Things had changed.

But before either of you can say something, before you can attempt to remedy the situation, a voice from behind the door cuts through the noise of the classroom, and someone enters, clad in a full body sleeping bag. Climbing out of the unusually used article, the man is quick to introduce himself.

"I'm your homeroom teacher, Aizawa Shouta."

No one says a word, but everyone silently agrees on the same thing: this guy was their homeroom teacher?

"Wear your P.E. uniforms immediately, and then scram to the field—" He continues without batting so much as an eyelash, and you're left confused as to what exactly was happening.

"Or so I would've said under normal circumstances." You can practically feel the entire room breathe a sigh of relief at his additional statement.

"As it stands, I was given _specific instructions_ to bring you all to the entrance ceremony on time today; I'll see to it that it happens. Anyone planning on playing truant will be expelled on the spot." He looks around the room with a deadpan expression, sending a chill down everyone's spine. "Now, follow me."

There's a nervous tension in the air, and everyone looks around questioningly. What just happened?

The confusion continues, until a tall boy with blue hair and rectangular glasses grabs everyone's attention using a loud voice. "Let's follow Sensei's orders. Everyone, line up according to your seat number and proceed to the gym in an orderly fashion!"

You think the way that he waves his arms around robotically is funny, so you let out a small laugh, completely forgetting that Shouto's still beside you. You can feel him staring at you with that same confused look as earlier, so you decide to humor him for a second.

"People laugh when they're amused, you know, Shou."

The confusion on Shouto's face falls, and is rapidly replaced by the same threatening glare you saw on the streets when you were eleven. It sends a shiver down your spine and you realize another thing about the boy in front of you.

He did not take well to your affectionate nickname anymore.

"We may be Miai partners _for now_ ," he makes sure to emphasize that last part, "but that doesn't mean that you can act so familiar around me. I'm here to become a hero, not to make friends."

There's an ache of melancholy in your chest, but you push it aside as you smile halfheartedly as his words.

All you can say is, "Yeah."

Uraraka, your saving grace, comes bounding up to you once again not long after and invites you to sit next to her in the gym. You accept her offer gratefully and temporarily part ways with Shouto. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his rage morph into something akin to sadness, and you can feel your heart cry out in sympathy.

* * *

A few minutes into the walk to the gym, Uraraka pulls you in, motioning for you to listen closely.

"Sorry, I might've overheard the last bits of your conversation back there." She keeps her voice low, making sure that no one but you can hear her. "That boy from earlier— he's your Miai partner, right? And oh— don't worry. I'll keep this as a secret between us."

You nod in agreement, not fully trusting your voice just yet. You're a little sorry towards your new friend, and hope that one day you'll be able to tell her the full truth. Should your friendship be a lasting one, she'll most definitely get caught up in your mess one way or another.

Thankfully, she takes your silence as bashfulness and proceeds to tease you about her newfound revelation. "That's amazing though; If things work out in the end, you two could end up becoming a real hero couple!"

You smile sadly at the thought, envying your new friend's enthusiasm and energy. If only things were that simple, if only you didn't have Hanahaki, then maybe things could've worked out that way. Life was certainly hard when you only had about half a year to live.

You're about to direct the conversation elsewhere, when suddenly a voice grabs your attention, directing you to the commotion that's happening not too far ahead.

There lies an irritated blonde boy with a seemingly permanent scowl on his face is shooting off his head like there's no tomorrow, causing a scene more dramatic than you had liked.

"What do you _mean_ I have to sit next to quirkless Deku here? This is pure bullshit."

"But Kacchan—"

"SHUT UP, SHITHEAD!"

Turning back to Uraraka, you try your best to ignore the insistently loud boy and instead focus on your previous conversation, but a loud "GO DIE" interrupts you, and you give up on any further topics. Uraraka gives you a knowing smile, and the two of you walk the remainder of the distance to the gym in silence.

Everyone settles inside rather quickly, and the entrance ceremony proceeds not too long after. When it's time for the first year representative to give a speech on the stage, you can't contain your surprise as the loud mouthed boy from earlier stands up and lazily makes his way on stage. In his hand is a paper you don't remember him having before, and he begins the speech rather normally, much to your own astonishment.

"With the start of a new school year—" he pauses, carefully taking a look at the paper in front of him. Then a scowl returns to his face, and you can feel a bad vibe rising from within you.

"Ah, fuck this."

Your worries only increase as he throws the paper haphazardly, making it explode mid-air and turn to ashes behind him. "Listen up third-rate extras—" He pauses for effect, and a devious grin finds its way to his face.

"Eat shit. I'll be number one here."

It takes a moment for everyone to process what he's said, but soon the room's filled with protests and activated quirks. Everyone's rioting, and for good reason. Being able to call yourself the number one hero was a feat that only one could obtain, but many sought after.

Your heightened nerves causes you to break out into a cold sweat, and the bad feeling in your gut overwhelms your senses. You glance to see if Shouto's okay, but one look at him and your face immediately falls.

Todoroki Shouto is absolutely _seething_ with rage.

Something was wrong.

Something had changed.

You realized that, it was Shouto who had changed.

Your heart aches at the thought, and the sudden urge to cough up petals is intense. But, you don't want to expose yourself, so you swallow the hard lump in your throat and pretend as though everything's ok.

It's not.

Beside you, you can feel Uraraka practically emanating worry. Though, she worries from afar, never asking you what had happened. The rest of the entrance ceremony proceeds without any further disturbances, much to the relief and chagrin of your classmates.

You, on the other hand, are filled with unease and concern. Something had set off Shouto, and you were dying to help him through it.

But, you never find the courage to ask.

You realized that although you trusted Shouto with all your heart to keep your own secrets,

You knew that Shouto didn't trust you.

* * *

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, though none of the events that happen matter much to you. The guidance counselor meetings and class activities you had been looking forward to seem dull now, and you can't find it within you to exhibit the same energy you had had that same morning. Before you know it, you're home and in bed, thinking about the events that had occurred.

That night, you can't help but cry yourself to sleep.

With the image of his words and his rage still fresh in your mind, you had to make a decision in order to protect your heart— and your feelings for Shouto.

It hurt, but...

You had to let him go.

* * *

People often say that along with spring came new beginnings.

If only that much was true for you, because for you, spring only brought with it beginnings of an end.

It's the second day of school, and this time you're alone on your walk to school. It's less exciting today, and nothing about your commute reminds you of the wonderful time you had with Uraraka. Before things went awry.

Just outside of the classroom, you take immediate notice a familiar backside and you feel the urge to automatically proceed to bounce happily up to his side. So, you do. Once in front of him, you stop and turn to face him. You know you've caught his attention when he stops his pace in turn.

Your breath hitches, and you feel lightheaded as you force the words from your mouth.

"—"

Gathering up all the strength you can muster, you put on the best smile you can manage afterwards and enter the classroom, not bothering to wait for his reply.

You're thankful that the classroom is empty when you enter, because you can't stop the tears that come rolling down your cheeks once you've taken your seat. Your mind plays the words you had just spoken like a broken record, stabbing you in the heart each time.

" _Good morning—"_

Even though you had resolved not to cry,

Even though you know it was for the best,

It still stung you so much you could hardly take it. But if distance is what he wanted, you would respect that decision as much as you could.

" _Good morning, Todoroki."_

* * *

Todoroki doesn't know why, but suddenly seeing you practically run away from him stop in his tracks. It takes him a moment to process things before he realizes—

You hadn't called him "Shouto".

And even though he knows it's his fault,

Even though he knows it's what he wanted,

Even though _he knows_ ,

He can't help the way that hearing the way his last name falls so easily from your lips causes his heart to break into pieces. Why did you, a mere stranger in his life, affect him so much?

The pain in his throat becomes too much, and he can't resist the rising tightness within his throat. His hand flies to his mouth and he coughs, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort.

And when he finally takes his hand away from his mouth, he's confused once more.

There, in the center of his palm lies something that shouldn't be there;

There, in the palm of his hand lies a single lilac petal.

* * *

title translation: (in which todoroki's heart remembers, but his mind does not)


	4. love is thicker than forget

" _My dear, never fall in love. For love is fighting a losing battle, a war that cannot be won; for you lose more than you receive, and gain less than what you had started with. Love is losing your entire being to another, with no guarantees of it being returned. My precious, only child, promise me that you won't fall victim to the woes of love, for love is thicker than forget."_

At times like these, you really wished that you had understood what your mother had meant when she spoke those words. But before you were old enough to decipher their cryptic meaning, you were already head over heels in love with Todoroki Shouto.

It was only now, having met the boy you love once again, having felt the aftermath of the decision to love him from afar, could you fully comprehend her words. Sitting there, at your lonely desk in the empty classroom of 1-A, you could only relinquish yourself to the painful sorrows of unrequited love and cry.

Eventually, your classmates filed into the room one by one, and you willed for the tears to stop. Amongst the youthful chatter and cheery laughter, your grief had no place to belong. And so, you hid behind a fabricated smile.

When Todoroki appears in the doorway, many minutes after you had greeted him in the hallway, it takes everything within you to not follow his form as he moves to take the seat diagonally behind you on your right.

Uraraka walks in right after, and before you know it you're flying out of your seat to greet her with a much needed hug. You ignore Todoroki as he walks by, unbothered by your presence.

And when Uraraka wraps her arms around you in return, you can't help but curl up in her embrace; you can't help but long for Todoroki's warmth as well.

Your mother was right; love was thicker than forget. You couldn't forget about Todoroki even if you tried.

* * *

"Deku, you can do it!"

Sitting next to Uraraka on the grass sidelines, you listen as your friend energetically cheers on your classmate. She's rather excited for the sudden quirk apprehension test your homeroom teacher had planned for your class (even with the threat of expulsion for the student who came in last), and it puts a much needed smile on your face.

Unexpectedly, she turns to you, her eyes softening at the sight of your smile.

"Are you feeling better now?" she asks. "I could tell you weren't feeling okay earlier."

"A little bit," you reply, pulling your knees closer to your chest. It's a fruitless endeavor, trying to hide from your embarrassment. "I was just upset over something dumb."

Uraraka rests her head on your shoulder, nuzzling against you as she tickles you with her hair. "You can't get upset over dumb things. If you care enough to get upset, that means it's important to you."

You ponder over her words for a second before nodding your head in agreement. "I guess so."

"You know," she lifts her head from your shoulder, facing you in earnest instead, "I'm always here if you need a hug— like earlier."

Her words put a smile on your face, and you're thankful to have met such a wonderfully caring person. Deciding that you could trust her with your troubles, you begin slowly, taking your time to carefully phrase your words.

"It's about Todoroki. He still hasn't accepted me as his Miai partner, so I've been trying to keep my distance. I guess... I wasn't prepared for how much it would hurt me in the end."

"You care about him." It's more of a statement than a question, and you can only nod in response. Uraraka gives you a sympathetic look, and your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

"I do," you say quietly. "I care about him much more than he cares about me."

You look up at the current batch of testing students in time to see Todoroki completing his 50 meter dash, leaving a trail of ice in his wake. He had gotten into UA on special recommendation, and for good reason it seemed. The way he maneuvered himself gracefully using his ice made it almost seem like he was dancing. It was a wrathful, yet beautifully haunting lonely dance meant for two. Fire and ice, grey and blue.

But, alone with his ice, Todoroki's heart seemed lonely too.

The sight makes your heart ache, but you can't find it within yourself to turn away from watching him. Fire or no fire, Todoroki was the boy you loved. You can feel another coughing fit come on, but you try your best to swallow it down, lest you reveal your disease.

By your side, Uraraka rises, preparing herself for the next set of ability tests. "He just hasn't thought about it," she says while stretching. "For better or for worse, there's something that he can't see past, and that's why he hasn't accepted you."

Remembering Todoroki's absent minded gaze from that morning, you realize that your friend is right, and you wonder if she's noticed more things that you haven't.

"But I'm sure one day he will." And with that, Uraraka leaves your side to complete her next task.

Too focused on your friend's fleeting form and her parting words that resounded in your head, you fail to notice the brief, curious glance Todoroki spares your way.

Ever since your encounter with him that morning, he had been looking at you.

* * *

The quirk apprehension tests are done in a flash, with you placing a modest 5th place. Your quirk, Alchemy, allows you to transform anything you touched by rearranging its molecules, given that you knew and understood its composition. With it, you had created a slingshot (amongst other things) from the earth, giving you a slight leverage in certain tasks. No matter the outcome, you were proud of your accomplishments in the end.

Much to your relief (and surprise of your classmates), your teacher claims that the threat of expulsion was a lie as he wrapped up the activity, a simple ruse to draw out the best of your abilities. You sigh and a weary smile finds its way to your face. Although you had yet to speak to him personally, Uraraka's green haired friend had you worried up until the end. You liked the determination in his eyes, and would hate to see such promise go to waste.

The rest of the day proceeds normally, and before you know it, the end of the school day has arrived. Packing up your bags, you join Uraraka on her way out of the classroom. The two of you engage in happy chatter, laughing as you made jokes about the various things you saw that day. But just as you reach the school entrance, you spot a familiar backside with matching red and white hair. You look to your friend, conflicted, and suddenly you're not sure who you should accompany anymore.

"Go. It's okay," she tells you, giving you a gentle nudge on the back for good measure. "You can make it up to me later!"

You nod your head in acknowledgement, and then you're off, running to catch up with the fleeting figure ahead of you. It doesn't take you long before you've caught up to his long strides, exclaiming his name happily to gain his attention.

"Todoroki!"

He stops and turns towards you, and for a moment you think you see a brief expression of surprise on his face. It's gone as soon as it came though, so you think nothing of it and stop just out of arm's reach of him.

"Do you mind if we walk home together?" you ask, trying to mask the nervousness within your voice. It was a risky gamble for your poor heart, but you knew that unless you properly established your boundaries as his friend, nothing would change within his heart.

He turns and walks away without replying, and for a moment your heart sinks.

"Do whatever you want." His words are faint, but your ears perk up at the sound of his voice, and you can't help the smile that forms on your face when it finally sink in.

Perhaps Todoroki wasn't entirely unwilling to reciprocate your friendship.

You're quick to catch up to his side, practically radiating in happiness, and fall in step with your partner's pace. A good majority of the walk is spent in silence, the both of you being content in the other's presence. It's a nice kind of quiet for you. You're not sure what warranted the change within Todoroki's heart, but the fact that he's allowing you to stay by his side right now was enough for you.

As you near your platform at the train station, he's the one to break the silence, abruptly bringing you out of your thoughts.

"For better or for worse... we're partners now," he says.

To you, it sounds like he's more trying to convince himself of that fact than anything. Nevertheless, you repeat his thoughts, reassuring him that he was indeed correct. "For better or for worse."

It's silent again after that, and you can tell that Todoroki's contemplating something this time by the way his eyebrows furrow in concentration. There's confliction in his eyes, and your heart stings at the sight of him struggling with his emotions. So you reach out your hand and grasp one of his own in yours, startling him from his trance.

He looks at you, confusion clear on his face, and you do your best to offer him a genuine smile. When he doesn't make a move to reciprocate the gentle squeeze of your hand, you re-adjust your fingers so that they're interlocking with his.

"For better or for worse," you echo once more, "I'll stand by your side."

Your train pulls in right after that, and you let go of his hand to prepare yourself to board the car. You can still feel Todoroki's gaze on you though, so you turn to look at him once more, attempting to savor the moment as much as possible.

The doors of the train open, and the platform is suddenly filled with footsteps and chatter. You can't hear the words that leave the boy's lips, but they resound within your heart loud and clear.

You quickly enter the train after that, only aware of your heartbeat pounding relentlessly as Todoroki's last words to you continue to ring in your ears.

" _Thank you."_

If only you had known the journey it had taken Todoroki to say those words.

* * *

Going back to the morning of the first day of school, Todoroki Shouto awoke with a strange feeling in his chest and tears in his eyes.

 _It happened again,_ he thinks to himself. Days like these, where he awoke with an uncontrollable feeling of melancholy, were becoming more frequent as of late, especially since his Miai meeting with you. He knew the answer to his woes lies in the fleeting dreams, but try as he might, he couldn't remember them come morning. It left an empty hole in his chest, and there was nothing he could do about it.

So he masked it as usual, with indifference and anger.

Wiping the lingering tears from his eyes, he gets ready for the day— his first day at UA high. It doesn't take him long, and he's putting on his shoes to leave the house before he knows it.

He doesn't say goodbye to Endeavor, who's standing next to the entrance, on his way out.

Todoroki hears his father call out to him, reminding him that UA is just a stepping stone for him to become number one. He ignores his father without a second thought and proceeds out the door.

His commute to school is empty and lonely (just like everything else, he duly notes). He arrives at the classroom early, and without anyone around, his mind is left to drift back to the moment he had met you.

Simply put, you were captivating.

The moment you had walked into that room, you had left him speechless. Suddenly, his dulled world was filled with brilliant shades of color. Your eyes captivated him, stunning him in place with their sheer intensity. Unlike his father's harsh gaze, you stared at him with an unfamiliar and chilling sense of transparency and honesty. It sent a shiver down his spine, and he was rendered helpless against you.

But, you made him confused.

Looking at you somehow reminds him of times when he was much younger. His ears were ringing, and something old and familiar called out to him. He was aware of your lips moving, suddenly saying his name in surprise, but all he heard is a young kid joyfully exclaiming his name.

" _Shou! Good morning!"_

Todoroki's not sure exactly why, but he thinks that the phantom voice seems familiar.

His thoughts are broken when you suddenly appear by his desk, grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, Shou!"

The warmth that had spread throughout his chest unbeknownst to him suddenly disperses, and he looks at you in confusion. He's disoriented, stuck in a limbo between past and present. The one thing he's sure of is that he missed the kind warmth and its presence.

Before he can acknowledge your words though, he's vaguely aware of someone entering the classroom and announcing that they were all to assemble for the entrance ceremony. And in the midst of his daze, he hears your lighthearted laugh chime in his ears, cutting through the silence of the classroom.

It's like a music piece he's heard before, and he wants to hear more. For better or for worse, you felt awfully familiar to Todoroki, and he just wanted to know why.

"People laugh when they're amused, you know, Shou."

Hearing the nickname for a second time snaps him out of his trance, and he looks at you, a mixture of emotions swelling in his chest. That nickname was meant to be said by only one person and that was—

Who was it again?

He can't figure out why hearing you say his long forgotten nickname leaves such an empty feeling in his chest. So masks the hole again—the only way he knows how—with indiference and anger.

"We may be Miai partners _for now_ —" his voice is dripping with venom and he can't seem to control himself as the words come tumbling from his lips. "But that doesn't mean that you can act so familiar around me. I'm here to become a hero, not make friends."

It's only after your dejected figure leave that he realizes he hadn't meant what he had said. He hadn't meant to make you sad. It widens the chasm in his heart, and for the first time in a long time, Todoroki regrets finding comfort in loneliness.

Eventually, he rises from his seat and follows you out to the gym. When he gets there, what he does not expect is to hear his father's words from that morning being challenged so soon.

" _I'll be number one."_

All of a sudden the world, the entrance ceremony, _you_ become irrelevant, and he's visibly seething with rage. All Todoroki can see is red. He's reminded of his damned father, his flames, and then of his mother, who was struck down in Endeavor's ambitions to become number one.

Somewhere along the way while he was growing up, Todoroki had decided that the best way to reject a man as foul as father was to crush his ambitions and intentions; Todoroki would become the number one hero without the use of his flames. If he had to abandon part of himself to do so, he was fine with that, too.

With time, Todoroki's anger subsides, and he comes back to his senses. But it takes time—too much time—and he fails to recognize your lack of presence until it's too late.

* * *

When he sees you the next morning, he realizes that something had changed in your eyes. No longer did they hold the beautiful transparency within them, instead, becoming unreadable and filled with sadness. You reminded him of the last time he saw his mother— her first day in that miserable hospital.

It stings his heart, and he doesn't know why.

"Good morning, Todoroki," he hears you say. You turn without waiting for his reply, and he's left feeling at a loss for words. It takes him a moment to process things before he realizes—

You hadn't called him "Shouto".

And even though he knows it's his fault for being unable to control his feelings, even though he knows it's what he said he wanted out of irrational frustration, even though _he knows_ , he can't help the way that hearing the way his last name falls so easily from your lips causes his heart to break into pieces.

Why did you, the person acting as his Miai partner (" _for now_ ", he painfully recalls), affect him so much?

The pain in his throat becomes too much, and he can't resist the rising tightness within his throat. His hand flies to his mouth and he coughs, trying to alleviate some of the discomfort.

And when he finally takes his hand away from his mouth, he's confused once more. There, in the center of his palm lies something that shouldn't be there;

There, in the palm of his hand lies a single lilac petal.

If there was one thing Todoroki Shouto was certain of, it was that he didn't love anyone.

When he enters the classroom some confusion filled minutes later, he's expecting some sort of friendly acknowledgement from you. But there is none. Instead, you bounce happily to your brown haired friend's side and give her a hug. His eyes meet your friend's for a second, and she gives him a sorry look as she wraps her arms around your body.

His eyes turn back to you, and Todoroki can't explain why, but seeing you hug the girl with such sincerity made him wish it was him in your embrace instead.

* * *

Throughout the entire day, he ponders on the appearance of the petal and the meaning behind his uncalled for feelings. He takes sneaky glances your way every once in a while when he knows you're not looking, hoping that they might share some insight to his current predicament.

Coughing up flower petals meant that a person had a one-sided love, so unless there was something he was missing, he shouldn't have the disease. He shouldn't be dying.

Todoroki continues to watch you, as you fervently pay attention during the academic classes, as you chatter happily with your friend at lunch time, and as you manipulate the ground to help you with your quirk apprehension tests.

He's not sure why, but seeing you use your quirk makes his hand fly to his chest and feel for the ring on the chain around his neck. Touching the familiar object beneath his clothes brings a sense of warmth to his being, and coupled with watching your sincere passion throughout the day, it brings a long forgotten smile on his face.

He realizes, you make him feel warm inside.

Maybe that's why he doesn't reject you when you come running up to him after school, asking if you two could walk home together.

Maybe that's why he's content in the silence, finding it rather easy to accept now that,

 _For better or for worse... we're partners now._

When you echo the beginning words back to him, he realizes that he had stated his previous thought aloud. But he finds that he doesn't mind.

"For better or for worse, I'll stay by your side," you say, interlacing your finger with his.

His heart quickens at your words and actions, and he turns to you in surprise. His eyes never leave yours, and for a moment, he sees the same intensity he saw back at the Miai meeting. And then, you're gone as soon as you came, leaving his side to stand near the edge of the platform for your train. For some reason, it makes him think that if he leaves you like this, alone at the platform, he'll never see you like that again.

After a couple of seconds, you turn back to him, perhaps having felt his relentless gaze on your form, and he feels the urge to say something— anything, just so that you wouldn't slip away from his reach.

And all of a sudden, his thundering heart calms, and his mind clears. He knows exactly what he wants to tell you.

 _If it's you, then maybe..._

"Thank you."

 _Maybe he could fill the emptiness in his heart with warmth instead of hate._

Although you and Todoroki didn't know it then, your mother was right. Love was thicker than forget.

* * *

muse: "Love is More Thicker Than Forget" by E.E. Cummings


	5. flowers of promise are silver and cold

You're four and a half years old when you realize you've gotten your quirk, and you were over the moon in happiness.

You had inherited your mother's quirk, Alchemy, and nothing made you more proud than the fact that you shared your mother's powers. She was your idol, the person you admired the most. Although your abilities paled in comparison to your mother's, you were determined to become just as strong and elegant as her.

Intent on achieving your goal, you spent a majority of your hours outside of daycare by your mother's side, studying and practicing how to control your quirk better.

"Hey Mama," you say one day, pointing at the diamond ring on her finger "did you make that?"

She laughs, her lighthearted voice filling the room. "No sweetie, but I did make this one," she says, showing you the ring beneath it. It's a simple band, much less elaborate than the ring above it, but you think it's beautiful nonetheless.

"What is it?" you asked, eyes shining in curiosity.

"It's a promise ring, sweetie; it means that I promised to stay by Papa's side forever. Like this!" She motions for you to make a fist with your hand, then hooks your pinky finger her her own, linking them together loosely as she presses your thumbs together.

"I promise to love you forever, sealed with a kiiiss!"

Your eyes light up at her actions, and suddenly you get a brilliant idea.

"Mama! Can you teach me how to make one, too?"

* * *

Your eyes flutter open, and for a moment you don't realize that you had been dreaming. For a moment, you had thought that you were at your mother's side, that she was alive. It leaves a sorrowful ache in your chest, and you curl up in a ball underneath your sheets, trying to hide from the pain. It's been five years since her death, and the pain of losing your mother was still fresh in your mind.

Eventually, you will yourself to rise from bed and begin your morning routine. If there was one thing you had learned in your years of mourning, it was that the world wouldn't wait for you to move on. You had to move along with it, or else be left behind again.

Moving to your dresser, you pick up a tiny object and inspect it in the morning sunlight. It's a silver ring, much like the one your mother used to wear. You had stopped wearing it the day of your mother's funeral, too pained by the memories of her to continue to keep it on your person. But it was still a precious memento to you, so you kept it safely in your treasure box untouched— until now.

Things have changed, you remind yourself, and you slide the ring onto your right pinky. The cold metal sends a slight shiver through your hand, but you don't mind at all. Lifting up your hand to admire its shiny brilliance and all at once, things suddenly feel hopeful for you once more.

Maybe, even its twin's owner was treasuring it too.

A sudden ring of your alarm reminds you that you'll be late for your date if you didn't leave the house soon, so you hurry along and get dressed for the day. The overcast in your heart dissipates as you go about your morning, and you leave your heavy feelings behind for happier emotions. The excitement you had been feeling the entire week returns to you, and a happy smile finds its way to your face once more.

Today was your long awaited girls' day out!

The day after you ditched Uraraka on your way home, she had playfully sulked a tremendous amount. The two of you eventually agreed to a friendly date at a nearby cafe in town (at your expense, she firmly insisted). Although, part of you wondered if the cafe had been part of Uraraka's plan all along. The twinkle in her eyes when you mentioned there would be sweets involved in your bribery was unparalleled to anything else you've seen.

And so, that's why you're standing in front of the long-awaited cafe on your Saturday off from school. You fiddle with the hem of your clothes, and part of you wonders if you had dressed up too much or not. It was your first friendly outing in years, so you were elated at the notion of casually hanging out with friends once more.

Uraraka comes running up to you not too long after, clad in dark blue shorts, a white long sleeves top, and a green knitted cardigan. It suits her bubbly personality, you think to yourself.

"Sorry I'm late!" she says, breath huffing as she tries to calm down from her run. "I woke—" she wheezes, "— up late."

You pat her back sympathetically, urging her to catch her breath properly. "It's okay! You could've just sent me a text that you were on your way here."

Beat.

"Oh." she says blatantly. "I didn't think of that."

You laugh at her response, and after a few more minutes of waiting, the two of you enter the chic cafe.

"It's cute!" you and Uraraka exclaim at the same time. The two of you look at each other knowingly and laugh together. You guys were like two peas in a pod, always in sync with the other. Maybe that's part of what made your time enjoyable at UA so far for you.

"Is that Uraraka?"

You hear your name being called out as well, and the you turn automatically towards the voice. There, sitting at a large, round table not too far from the entrance are the rest of the girls from 1-A.

"It is them!" exclaims Yaoyoruzu happily.

You look at Uraraka, a little sorry that your private date had been ruined so soon, but she's beaming excitedly back at you. "It's okay!" she says. "The more the merrier, right?"

The two of you join the rest of your classmates at their table, and you vaguely recall their names as Kyouka Jiro, Momo Yaoyoruzu, Tsuyu Asui, Mina Ashido, and... Toru Hagakure? You assumed that was her, waving around her seemingly floating clothes happily. Having only finished the first week of school, you didn't think that the girls would've become so close so soon. Your heart sinks at the thought of the connections you've missed out by soley interacting with Uraraka and Todoroki, but you're determined to change that with the opportunity presented to you.

"Sorry," you begin after settling yourself in your seat, "I hope we're not interrupting anything."

It's Asui who speaks up this time. "It's okay, ribbit, we all met up by coincidence as well."

"Yeah, yeah!" exclaims Hagakure. "I was out shopping with Mina when we ran into Tsuyu and Momo at the mall earlier!"

"This is great, though," says Uraraka right beside you. "It's like a special outing, just for the girls of 1-A!"

You smile at their exchange, and over time the heavy feeling in your chest lifts. The seven of you engage in playful banter throughout the afternoon, even as your food and drinks come and are finished in the blink of an eye.

You're in the middle of laughing at one of Toru's jokes when Mina suddenly turns to you, evil glint clear in her eyes. "So," her devious grin making you stop mid-laugh, "what's up between you and Todoroki, hmm? He was looking at you an awful lot the other day at school."

And suddenly, your heart's pounding in your ears, desperate to escape the situation. You look at Uraraka for help, but the look on her face tells you that she wants to know too. You're stuck in the middle, and the only way out is to confess.

But you don't want to! It's embarrassing, so much that you wish that you could make the ground swallow you up whole with your quirk.

"Nothing! I swear!" You deny it a bit too strongly, and you can tell that you haven't convinced the girls one bit. Eventually your walls break down and you're forced to play your hand. "He's just— he's just my Miai partner, that's all..." you say quietly after a while.

And then, your new friends are erupting in excited screams.

"No way!"

"Todoroki's your partner?"

"You're so lucky, to be going to school with him and all!"

It takes Uraraka to quiet them back down to silence, with you being too busy shrinking in embarrassment and all.

Momo's the first to speak up again, clearing her throat beforehand. "That's a pretty ring you're wearing. Is there a meaning behind it?"

Tsuyu, who's been watching everyone quietly, notices the calm change in your expression when Momo asks the question, pipes in. "It's okay if you don't wanna say," she says gently.

You shake your head. "It's okay. This ring— I made it myself using my quirk. It was the second object I made when I was still learning how to control my quirk with my mother. It's not as elegant as hers though; she was really good at using her quirk." You play with the said ring, a somber smile coming onto your face.

Kyouka pipes up afterwards. "Then what's the first—"

"That's right!" Uraraka exclaims suddenly. "Has anyone else had their first Miai meeting? Mine is supposed to be coming up soon, and I'm so nervous." She shrinks in her chair, and you're thankful for the change in topic. Talking about your mother was always a hard task to do.

The girls, seemingly having forgotten about the previous conversation, engages once again in lively banter. Taking it as your opportunity to leave, you excuse yourself to the bathroom and slip away quietly.

Once there, you're practically running to the nearest toilet as the cherry blossoms nearly force their way from your mouth. Damp petals fall as your coughs wrack your entire body, and you're not sure how long you spend coughing at the toilet. Eventually, the petals subside and your breathing returns to a rhythmic pace. You can feel someone patting your back, and all at once you realize you're not alone.

Uraraka's by your side, coaxing you back to reality. And from the sympathetic look on her face, you knew that you couldn't hide it any longer. Tears form in your eyes, as you're once again faced with the harsh reality of things.

You had to tell her.

"Ochaco..."

She looks at you surprised, for it's the first time you've called her by her name. But she doesn't comment, instead patiently waiting for you to finish your sentence.

A forlorn smile finds its way to your face, and you can feel your stomach drop as you admit the words out loud. "I'm dying."

And then, you can't hold your feelings back anymore as the tears begin to fall. It's painful to keep your emotions bottled up behind a smile, and you can tell Ochaco knows by the way she engulfs you in a loving embrace.

You know it's mortifying the way you're crying in the bathroom once more, but for the first time, you're thankful you're not alone. You're thankful that you have a friend by your side, bearing witness to your tears and agony. Because after four years of crying alone, you're so, so thankful that you don't have to carry the burden of your feelings by yourself anymore.

The tears come to a stop after a while, and you're there, sitting in Ochaco's arms as she hums and pats your head to calm you down. She's patient, you've noticed, a little too patient for your understanding. It baffles you how a human could be as caring and accepting despite not having known you for long.

"Hey," she starts, still patting your head. "If you want, we can talk about it later. I know we're still with the girls, so don't worry about it too much. Just focus on yourself for right now."

Maybe this was the side of true friendship that you were meant to see.

Wiping any remnants of tears from your eyes, you give her a gentle squeeze and nod your head. The two of you spend the next few minutes tidying yourself up, not wanting to worry the other girls needlessly. Eventually, you look as good as new, and the two of you return to your table of friends. Though their concern is clear on their face, Ochaco is the one to offer a plausible excuse to your long absence.

"Cramps," she says, as the other girls nod in understanding.

And with that, the lively atmosphere returns, and you (thankfully) escape the situation without anymore coughing fits or tears. Afternoon turns to evening, and soon it's time for everyone to head home. You all exchange numbers before you leave with Ochaco, heading home in the same direction together.

The air is crisp, and a gentle breeze fills the air around you as the two of you enjoy the walk home, arm in arm.

And when she says, "Hey," in that soft tone of hers, you know that you can't escape the truth any longer. So you tell her, the words finding their way unusually easily from your mouth.

"You probably already figured it out, but I have Hanahaki." Your voice carries well in the silent spring air, and you can feel Ochaco listening intently beside you. "It started four years ago, and only now is the disease really beginning to spread."

"Four years?" she says. "That's a long time." In your mind you know she's right. Most people with the disease only live for up to two to three years without treatment, so really it was a miracle you had lasted this long.

"The doctors think it's because I wasn't around the source, which slowed the progression of the flowers." You absentmindedly kick some pebbles in your path, a distraction that's much needed as you talk about the difficult topic. The two of you fall into silence again, and eventually you reach the train station.

Ochaco's grip on your arm loosens, and you know the question is coming, but you can't find it within yourself to say it yourself.

"Who is it?" she asks, stopping and turning towards you.

When you don't reply, Ocacho grabs your hands and gently presses her forehead against yours.

You shake your head, and she knows it's her cue to stop pressing the matter further.

"It's okay," she whispers softly. And so, she returns to her lively self, a familiar grin appearing on her face. "Wanna sleep over at my house?"

* * *

Not more than an hour later, the two of you are curled up on Ochaco's couch, with you borrowing some of her oversized sleeping clothes. You talk for hours, lively conversing about everything and anything, from your past experiences at school, to your unexpected hangout with the other girls, to your family relations. Eventually, the two of you settle down and watch a late night movie, a rom-com, at Ochaco's request.

As the movie reaches its climax, where the guy confesses to the girl in the rain and they share a loving embrace, your hand reaches out to find your friend's own. When she tightens her grip in return, you know she'll be attentive to whatever you have to say.

"I had a childhood friend before." Out of the corner of your eye, you can see her looking at you now, but you chose to continue to watch the movie that unfolds in front of you instead. "He was my light, the one that I treasured the most in the whole world along with my mother. And I thought he treasured me too, when we made the promise. But now... I'm not so sure anymore."

"What did you promise?" her voice is soft, and you're persuaded to continue talking.

"We promised that we'd be friends forever."

* * *

You're four-and-a-half years old when you go bounding up to Todoroki one day at daycare, arms wide and anticipation clear on your face. You hadn't known the pain of losing him yet, blissfully unaware of the events about to transpire in half a year.

"Good morning, Shou!"

He hugged you in return, and the two of you fell to the softened ground of the daycare, cheerfully laughing on your way down.

"Hello!" He exclaimed your name excitedly, as if the two of you hadn't seen each other in forever.

In due time, the two of you separated, grins still wide on your faces. You take the opportunity to reach into your pocket and pull out a small, neatly tied pouch and place it in his hands.

"A gift for you!" you blurt out enthusiastically.

You're not sure how, but his smile becomes brighter and he once again tackles you in another hug. When he pulls away this time, he's still smiling, grey and blue eyes twinkling as they reflected yourself back at you.

"Thank you."

After he opened the package, it was then that the two of you said your vows.

"For better or for worse, we'll stay together forever!"

* * *

By the time you've finished recalling your story, you can feel Ochaco nodding off by your side. Looking at the clock, you find that it's nearly 2 AM. You decide it's time to wrap up your late night talk, and so you pull the covers so that they better cover your friend's sleeping form. She mumbles a soft "thank you," before submerges herself into a deep sleep.

Watching your friend resting peacefully makes you realize how exhausted you are as well, so you shut off the TV and hide underneath your covers too. But, before you fully allow yourself to fall within the clutches of sleep, you turn to her one last time.

"Thank you, for listening to me talk about Todoroki."

One day, you hope that you'd be able to tell her the full story about your disease, about the boy you loved so much it was killing you.

And so, sleep claims you.

* * *

With the morning birds chirping in the air, you awake in your own bed. It's only been a day since your sleepover with Ochaco, but you already missed your friend's presence dearly. It was nice, finally having someone you could talk to about your troubles with.

Rising from your sheets, you stretch, giving the ritualistic "Good morning!" to your cherry blossom tree before getting ready for the day. Slipping on your uniform, you take a look at your dresser and stare at the shiny ring that's resting on top of it. Without a second thought, you slide it onto your pinky.

It's a long forgotten sensation, but having it there on your hand just felt... right. You smile fondly at the ring, giving it a kiss for good measure. Although your mother may be gone and the promise you made with it is questionably broken, in the end you treasured all the precious memories you had made through it.

And so, you leave for school once more, excited to meet your friends again.

But when you look in side the classroom, you notice that you arrive too early (yet again), and there's not a soul inside. You tell yourself that it's fine, and you take your seat alone. Closing your eyes, you hum the theme song of the movie you had been watching with Ochaco, having listened to the soundtrack almost religiously over the past day.

"Good morning."

A voice cuts through your thoughts and your eyes snap open. For a moment you think that you're just imagining it, but the figure standing in front of your desk says otherwise. Looking up, your wide eyes meet dazzling shades of grey and blue, and you're left at a loss for words. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see something shining on his right hand and your heart swells in disbelief.

"Are you okay?" Todoroki asks rather monotonously. It's as if he's asking out of obligation, rather than true concern. And then, his face contorts in confusion and his expression changes to one of actual worry. "Do... do the flowers hurt again?"

When you don't respond and continue to look at him with a dazed look on your face, his hand reaches up to feel your forehead for a fever. And then, that's when you feel it: the familiar chill of metal against the warmth of his hand. It breaks you out of your thoughts, and you're brought back to the present moment.

Taking his hand from your face and grasping it softly within your own, your face breaks out into a wide smile and your heart soars out of pure happiness.

"Good morning, Todoroki!"

* * *

At four-and-a-half years of age, you gave Todoroki his first present that you had proudly made with your quirk. After he opened the package, it was then that the two of you said your vows.

"For better or for worse, we promise we'll stay together forever!"

Sliding your far too big matching rings on your fingers, you lace your tiny pinkies together and seal the promise with a "kiss" of your thumbs.

* * *

Even though you couldn't see it, you knew Todoroki was wearing his promise ring too. Whether or not he actually remembered its meaning was unimportant in your eyes, for the fact that he had kept it and decided to wear it despite his memory loss was enough for you.

Maneuvering your hands so that your pinky was interlaced with his, you look up at the boy fondly and offer him your best smile.

"I'm fine. I promised I'd stay by your side, remember?"

And with that, you press your thumbs together once more.

* * *

 _the seeds we sowed are silver and cold, reaping flowers of gardenia and marigold_


	6. trials of battle are fought with love

Sometimes, you wondered if it was a dream. Your childhood memories, Todoroki's disappearance, his reappearance, even his memory loss— all of it seemed to surreal to be true. Still, you accepted things as they came, never questioning the whys or hows of it all. For, the truth is a hard pill to swallow, and one you weren't willing to bear.

Not yet, anyway.

And right now, as you feel Todoroki's gaze drifting towards you once again, you swear it was all a dream. He's been doing it all morning, ever since you pinky swore with him out of the blue. Not that you blamed him or anything. With his lost memories of your childhood days, of course there was no way that he remembered some promise you made during that time as well.

It hurt, just a tiny bit.

But you brush the sharp pain in your chest off as usual, pretending that everything's okay.

 _Everything will be okay._

* * *

Your morning classes pass by in the blink of an eye, and the tension in the air is heavy as everyone watches the clock in silent anticipation.

 _Tick, tock._

 _Tick, tock._

 _Tick, tock._

And right on time, as the clock strikes 1, the door to 1-A opens in a flash.

"I AM HERE!"

All Might lets go of the door frame he's hanging off of and marches in with his famous exaggerated movements. A sea of chatter engulfs the room, and the tension-heavy classroom seems a distant memory of the past.

Who wouldn't be excited with the number one hero of Japan was teaching your heroics class? Though it was already the part of the day that everyone looked forward to most, today was especially exciting.

Amongst all the chatter, you can feel Todoroki's intense gaze on you once more. You resist the urge to look back, knowing that if you do, it'll throw him into even more confusion and disarray. This wasn't the time and place to answer his questions, after all.

So you turn your attention back onto All Might, intent on ignoring Todoroki for now.

"Let's start, with the TRIAL OF BATTLE!"

* * *

Standing at the back of the monitor room, you watch as two of your classmates engage in a heated battle. On another screen, Ochaco can be seen running through the corridors, trying to find her way to the hidden "bomb" room. You silently send encouragement her way, wishing her the best of luck.

For the day's afternoon hero studies, All might had decided on a simulation-styled lesson. Your class had been randomly split up into teams of two for a mock battle of heroes versus villains. With everyone clad in their hero costumes, your dream of becoming a certified hero seemed more real than ever.

The smile on your face falters, and suddenly everyone seems so far away from you. They were chasing the future with optimism and an abundance of hope. As for you...

You lost your future when you gained Hanahaki and began your inevitable journey towards death. With your limited lifespan, it was a wonder why UA had accepted you in the first place.

You feel a hand brush against yours, hesitantly grasping your own and giving you a gentle squeeze. Looking up, you find Momo gazing at you with softened eyes and a sympathetic smile.

"It's okay; We'll take it one step at a time," she says quietly, not wanting to gain unnecessary attention from the others.

She probably thinks that you're nervous about the upcoming trial, but even though she's far off the mark, her concern for you makes your heart swell in appreciation. Her words remind you that the past is the past, and the future is something yet to be determined. Although the fact that you would die one day is undeniable, that's all it was: _one day_. In the meantime, you would take life as it came and enjoy yourself to the fullest.

 _No regrets_ , you remind yourself.

You give Momo a squeeze back, reassuring her that you're okay and then turn to focus on the battle at hand.

"One step at a time."

 _Everything will be okay._

* * *

Uraraka's battle wraps up in a flash (with her side being victorious), and before you know it you're standing at the top of the designated building, mentally preparing yourself for the task at hand.

Teamed up with Momo, the two of you are assigned to play the role of villains guarding a nuclear weapon at the top of an unsuspecting building. The opposing team, playing the role of heroes, must either capture the villains or retrieve the weapon within a time limit in order to win the exercise. Should they fail, the villains emerge victorious.

You place your fingers on the floor, willing the concrete to rise from the ground and form a box around the mock-weapon.

Soon after, the door to the room opens and Momo emerges. "My preparations are complete. There's only one way in and out of this place now," she says, placing her hand on her hip. Her confidence is reassuring, and you only hope that the battle will be resolved without a struggle.

"Same here," you say just as the barrier finishes forming. A thought pops in your head, and you're suddenly filled with excitement. "Say, Momo."

She looks at you confused, puzzled by your sudden change in attitude. "What is it?"

"What kind of demand should we make?" you say enthusiastically. "Since we're playing the role of villains and all."

A small _ding_ alerts you that the heroes have entered the building, thanks to Momo's surveillance system.

She lets out a small laugh and walks over to your side. "I'm afraid I don't know. Is there anything in particular that you're unhappy with?"

"Hmm..." You mule over the question, unprepared to have it thrown back at you. "I suppose the lack of variation on our lunch menu is disappointing." A smile forms on your face, and you know in a heartbeat what you'd like added.

Hearing your request, Momo nods. Steeling herself, she presses on the earpiece and speaks in the coldest voice she can muster.

"All Might," you can tell she's nervous by the way her other hand tightens her grip around her waist and the way her voice quivers just a tiny bit. "We have a nuclear weapon under our control. Should you fail to comply with our demands within the next fourteen minutes, we will release it on this area."

" _Oh? And what are your demands?"_ All Might asks through your earpiece.

"A revision to the school lunch menu," you say confidently. "We want soba." There's a slight pause, and you can tell your teacher's baffled at your request.

" _Within fourteen minutes? I hardly think that's reasonable—"_

"I hardly think that adding soba to the menu is such an unreasonable request," Momo interjects. She's gaining more confidence now, and you can see it in the way her lips form into a sly smile.

Another _ding_ , and the both of you brace yourselves for any signs indicating that the hero team has arrived.

"Thirteen minutes and seventeens seconds," you declare. "Time is ticking, All Might."

You cut off the transmission there, breathing a sigh of relief. Negotiations were nerve wracking, even if it was only a simulation.

"Soba, huh? What a strange request," Momo says. "But I suppose it'll do."

"It's actually not my—"

Three _dings_ comes from the alarm system at Momo's waist, interrupting your thoughts. You look to Momo in confirmation, and from the look in her eyes, you knew that it was go time. There would be more time for friendly conversation later. For now,

"The heroes are coming."

* * *

Standing in the corridor, you notice it's quiet. Almost _too quiet_. You had stepped outside the room to stand guard and intercept the hero team when they arrived, however, there appeared to be no traces of Tokoyami and Tsuyu being on the top floor (aside from Momo's alarm system).

Suddenly, something pink shoots from around the corner and you narrowly side step away from its reach in time. Tokoyami appears behind you a second later, and you barely have time to respond to Dark Shadow's flurry of attacks.

Pressing your hand against the wall, a pillar of concrete emerges and intercepts Dark Shadow, causing Tokoyami to jump back a few paces.

But just as you're about to relax, Tsuyu appears from around the corner and shoots her tongue at you once more in an attempt to restrain you. Your reaction is slow, and so her tongue wraps around your ankle, pulling you in and throwing you against the wall.

As your back hits the the ground, the air inside your lungs escapes and you're left gasping for breath.

 _It hurt_.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Tokoyami heading towards you once more, but your head is ringing and your vision isn't quite clear yet. You had to get up, move, do something—

And then, Momo's in beside you, bazooka in hand as she fires a projectile in Tsuyu's direction behind you. It doesn't hit her, but it does make her falter, giving you enough time to regain your composure and react.

"Close your eyes!" Momo shouts above you.

You do so, and just in time as a bright light engulfs the floor. Realizing that it was a flash bang that Momo had shot out, you knew that this was your opportunity to attack.

You blindly run towards Tokoyami, stopping before his weakened figure and place your hands on the floor just as the flash begins to disappear. In an instant, the ground becomes soft and Tokoyami falls through, encasing your classmate's body and restricting his movements.

"Sorry, Tokoyami," you say as you harden the floor once more. "I can't have you moving as you please." You wrap the capture tape around his head, rendering him effectively unable to continue battle, even if he were able to escape from his prison.

Soon enough, the source of the light behind you runs out and you turn behind you to find Momo and Tsuyu engaged in their own battle.

Momo's abandoned the bazooka, having created a pole to use instead for combat. She's struggling against Tsuyu, who in terms of physical abilities, has the upper hand, and so you quickly move to join Momo's side.

Jumping above your partner, you end up kicking Tsuyu in the stomach and send her flying back a couple of feet, giving you a moment to temporarily catch your breath.

"Do you think you can restrain her?" you ask, panting as the adrenaline causes your blood to pound relentlessly in your ears.

"Yes—"

"That's fine," you interrupt. "I'll distract Tsuyu!" And with that, you take off running towards your opponent, intending to make the battle close-quarter combat.

Perhaps it was due to her animal-like instincts, but none of your hits land on Tsuyu as she dodges and leaps out of your way each time. Still, you relentlessly keep up your attacks, never allowing Tsuyu to go on the offensive.

"Step back!"

You're moving before you know it, and suddenly there's another projectile barely missing you by a couple of inches. Unlike the one before, this item hits Tsuyu square in her chest, quickly expanding and growing until the girl is trapped in a firm foam that completely fills the width and height of the corridor, unable to move.

Momo wraps the capture tape around one of Tsuyu's hands that's sticking out of the foam, and suddenly a voice in your ear resounds through your entire being.

Collapsing to the ground, you breathe a sigh of relief.

"Villain team, WIN!"

* * *

Ten minutes later, you're in the monitoring room once again, barely coming down from your adrenaline high. Though it had been a short and decisive battle, it had been an exhilarating experience for you. Never before had you felt so... _alive_.

With your debriefing wrapped up as well, you were glad to find that there had been overall no complaints from All Might. Both teams received their respective praise for the sportsmanship displayed in accordance to the exercise, and you were more than happy at All Might's promise to talk to the principal about adding soba to the school's lunch menu, per your "demands".

But, too caught up in your own elated mood, you fail to notice Todoroki walking out the door until it's too late and you can't find him anywhere in the room.

You fail to see the somber look on his face as he watched you happily conversed with Momo about your victory.

It's only when you hear someone offhandedly say, "Where's Todoroki?" that you realize that he's gone.

Staring at the place where you last saw him standing, you suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of loss, and you can't shake the feeling that—

 _Everything was not okay_.

You're barely thinking when you mutter a "Sorry, I'll be right back" to Momo, and then walk out the room in search of Todoroki. Before you know it, your walk breaks out into a run. Within you, there's suddenly a growing desperation to find him before it's too late.

Too late? You didn't understand what had spurred you to feel that way, but something in your chest was telling you that Todoroki needed someone by his side.

You find him at the end of the tunnel, tense and fully immersed in his thoughts, just as he's about to enter the mock cityscape. In a frantic attempt to get his attention, you shout out his name, the words escaping your lips before you even realized what was happening.

"Shouto!"

His footsteps stop at the sound of his name, but you're too busy huffing and puffing from having used all your remaining energy to search for him to continue. He doesn't move a muscle though, and you take it as a sign that he's waiting for you. Steadying your breath, you straighten yourself and let your voice carry itself through the tunnel.

 _I'll be watching you._

"Good luck."

When he moves to continue walking without acknowledging your words, you're almost afraid that your words hadn't reached him. But if his new, dignified posture was anything to go by, you knew that he had heard you loud and clear.

You watch as he walks out the corridor by himself, silent and proud, and you can't help but think that his retreating figure looks too...

Lonely.

And so, having seen Todoroki off, you return to the monitor room, intent on watching his battle with your utmost attention.

On the monitor, you see Todoroki and Shouji approach the building together, most likely having met up just seconds prior. You can't hear what they're saying, but you can tell by the look on Shouji's face that he's not pleased. Todoroki enters the building alone, and in a flash, the whole building is encased in a layer of ice.

Your breath hitches when it does, and while your classmates yell out in excitement and awe, your heart screams out in agony.

He walks through the icy building alone, step by step, flight after flight, past his classmates, and straight towards the paper mache weapon.

It tells you all you need to know, everything about the plea coming from Todoroki's fragile backside as he successfully retrieves the mock weapon and melts the ice cage encasing the building.

 _Help me_.

* * *

With the one-sided battle concluded, Todoroki and Shouji return unscathed. All Might showers the two in praise, but you can see that none of his words affect your Miai partner. He just stands there, icy cold daggers still apparent in his eyes.

Something had happened during the battle, and you weren't quite sure what it was.

After his debriefing, Todoroki doesn't stay within the monitor room. Instead, he leaves without a word, not bothering to spare anyone a second glance as he leaves.

This time, you catch him as he's leaving, not bothering to waste a second as you follow him out the door.

"Todoroki!"

You call out his name, but this time he doesn't stop. He continues on, towards the locker rooms, away from your classmates, away from All Might, away from you.

So you run ahead of him, holding out your arms in protest as you try and stop him from going any further. You're just out of arm's reach when he finally halts and looks you in the eye.

"Todoroki—"

"Move," he interrupts harshly.

There's the same glare in his eyes that you saw on the first day of school, and it makes you cower a bit. Nevertheless, you stand your ground, intent on having him hear you out.

If there was one thing you realized during his battle, it was that nothing would change if you left things as they were. Todoroki would continue to hurt until someone acknowledged his pain.

Gulping, you gather your nerves and try your best to speak in a steady voice.

"I won't."

The two of you are stuck in a stare down, both sides unwilling to relent to the other. You stubbornly stay like this for a few minutes, searching Todoroki's eyes for the truth behind his facade.

His eyes shift ever so subtly, and that's when you see it— the faint flash of pain. With it comes a sudden surge of boldness within you, and you lower your arms and take a few steps towards Todoroki so that you're standing only inches apart from each other.

"Can I... hug you?" you say, voice softening as a mellow smile replaces the stern look on your face.

And for the second time that day, you see an expression of confusion flitter across Todoroki's features. It's the same bewildered expression as when you renewed your pinky promise with him that morning, the same conflicted look in his eyes as he can't quite pinpoint where he's heard that phrase before.

"Why?" he questions, monotone voice faltering.

"Someone told me that—"

All of a sudden, you're thrown back to the first day that you met Todoroki at daycare, the very first time he greeted you with the very same words that escapes your lips.

"—that I should give people who look sad a hug."

The words ring gently like a chime in his ears, temporarily soothing the rage in his eyes. There's something stirring behind them once again, and you can tell that he's contemplating it deeply, chasing after the fleeting sensation with all his might.

"I'm not sad," he replies after a thoughtful moment.

"I know," you say.

You can see that Todoroki's too caught up in his own thoughts when you move to close the distance between you two, carefully encasing him in a gentle embrace.

"But I want to give you one anyway."

In that moment, you could feel the tension leave his body as he relaxed, leaving himself completely helpless against you. He allows himself to be consumed by your embrace.

And it was in that moment you knew,

 _Everything would be okay._

To you, it certainly seemed like a dream too good to be true.

* * *

Standing there, Todoroki's left helpless as you continue to hug him out of the blue. It brings a nostalgic feeling to him, and he relishes in its warmth. Unsure of what to do, he raises his arms to return your hug when suddenly—

 _Cough, cough— cough, cough, cough—_

You fall from the embrace, consumed by a terrible coughing fit in front of his eyes.

All at once, he's filled with unprecedented amounts of worry, and he follows you down and catches you as you're about to fall over. Your body writhes in his grasp, and the contorted look on your face tells him how much pain you're in right now.

You were not okay.

The coughs continue relentlessly, wracking your entire body as cherry blossom petals are forced out of your mouth. Too shocked and unsure of what to do, Todoroki cradles you against his chest. He holds you firmly, whispering words of comfort that you'll be okay.

He hopes to god that you'll be okay.

After what seems to be forever, your coughing subsides and you turn your fatigued body towards him, placing a shaky hand on his cheek as you offer a weak smile in reassurance. Even at death's doorstep, your first priority is him. Somewhere within in his heart, he can feel the beginnings of something melting slowly.

In the face of your genuine smile and transparent eyes, the hows and whys behind your actions become irrelevant and forgotten.

And all at once, all Todoroki sees is you.

* * *

 _We dream of the day our hearts come back from the battles of war and are encased in the warmth of your hugs._


	7. the heart blooms in the name of love

Your eyes flutter open, rousing you from your sleep. Blinking, you realize the ceiling you're staring at is not your own. Your memory's hazy at best, and your recollection of how you ended up in the nurse's office is nonexistent.

Suddenly, you hear a shift and someone breathing softly on your left, prompting you to look their way.

At your bedside is Todoroki, hunched over the bedside next to you.

"Good afternoon, sweetie," a voice says from across the room. Looking up, you realize that it's Recovery Girl, sitting at her desk not too far away from you. "Did you sleep well?"

Still in a daze, you can only stare blankly back at her as the situation processes in your head.

"Afternoon classes are over, dear." She hops off her chair and makes her way towards you. Once she's checked that all your vitals seem okay, she nods in approval and moves to take record of them.

"He's been sitting with you all this time, waiting for you to wake up."

It's then that you find your voice, your sense of awareness suddenly coming back to you. "What happened?"

"Your friend over there says you collapsed after another coughing fit, and so he carried you here to see me," she says.

You can tell she's glossing over the elephant in the room, but you ignore it as well for the time being. There were more important questions at hand.

"Todoroki did?"

"He seemed quite worried as well. Dear boy came running frantically to me with you in his arms."

By your side, Todoroki stirs at the sound of his name, groaning as he blinks his eyes open sleepily. He has a minor case of bedhead, and it you have to stifle your laugh at the sight of it. You hesitantly reach out to thread your fingers through his hair, letting it go closer, and closer. But then, Todoroki's sleepy eyes lock onto yours, taking you by surprise. Your breath hitches and you shy away, pulling your hand back and letting it rest by your side.

Somehow, his gaze feels different than before. It's softer. Calmer. Perhaps even... more adoring?

Then again, it could be because he just woke up.

"Ah, young love is always the sweetest."

Your head whips towards Recovery Girl's direction, cheeks ablaze and heart suddenly pounding in your chest. She chuckles at your reaction, furthering your embarrassment even more.

"Don't mind me. I'm just talking to myself," she says, smiling almost knowingly. "Now, Todoroki dear, I know you're still half-asleep, but I'd like you to help me gather our patient's belongings from the classroom. I have a few private questions to ask, after all."

Wordlessly, Todoroki agrees and gets up to do as he's told. Though just as he's about to exit the room, he shoots one last worried glance your way, silently asking if you'll be okay. You offer him a reassuring smile in return, and he soon disappears behind closed doors.

Once he's gone, Recovery Girl turns to you, her expression turning serious. It's not a good sign, that much you can tell, and you unconsciously sit up straighter on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

"I'm fine," you say, a little timid from her sudden change in nature.

Suddenly, Recovery Girl's stern face falls, quickly morphing into a look of concern. She grabs a chart from her desk and makes her way to your bedside to hand it to you before she takes a seat on one of the nearby chairs. Instantly, you recognize the papers, having seen ones similar to them far too often at your routine hospital visits.

One quick gloss over later, your heart drops to the floor.

In front of you is a graph charting the progression of your disease and overall health. Up until the start of the school year, the line shows a slight decline, signifying that your deterioration in health had not changed significantly. However, from the day you started school and onwards, the line plummets downwards faster than you had ever seen it before.

You were _dying_.

You had a feeling that something like this would happen the more you interacted with Todoroki, but you had blissfully ignored the reality of things. It was all too easy to forget about your future— your impending doom— when you were with him.

The chart falls from your hands, and you can only blankly stare in disbelief. You know you didn't have much longer to live, but with your chart like this? Staying alive for six months more seems like an irresponsible hope.

Recovery Girl places her hand on yours, breaking you from your thoughts and bringing you back to the present. "My dear, I know you entered UA with the dream of one day becoming a great hero. Don't lose sight of that goal."

Tears well up in your eyes, and you can't help but feel overwhelmed by hopelessness. "Why did UA accept me? The one who has Hanahaki?"

"Because they had faith in your abilities, sweetie," Recovery Girl says simply. Her grip on your hand tightens, grounding you to the reality of the present even further. "The reason why I'm showing you this is not to discourage you."

"Then why?" you bite back, voice oozing with bitterness. You regret the words as soon as it leaves your mouth, and you look down in shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lash out on you."

"I know." Her voice is gentle, and you can feel Recovery Girl's hand gently caressing yours, attempting to sooth your worries. "I wanted you to see the reality of things so that you could make a choice."

Finally, you look up at the nurse, wiping your tears from your eyes as you do. "What choice?"

You watch as Recovery Girl reaches into her pockets and pulls out an unfamiliar vial of pills to show to you. There's a forlorn look on her face as she smiles and speaks words that you'd given up on long ago.

"To live."

She releases her hand from yours in order to open the bottle and dump a few of the blue pills out onto her hand. "Fleurdavin. It's not a cure, but they'll slow the growth of your flowers and extend your life in the meantime. I can't prescribe you them myself, but I can write you a recommendation for your usual doctor."

Staring at the pills, you can feel a little spark of hope ignite within you. But Recovery Girl's sad smile flashes through your mind as you reach out to inspect the pills, and your hand recedes back to your side. You knew the implications of choice she was talking about. Long ago, you had sternly vowed against it, despite your father and grandmother's protests.

In order to live, you would have to rid yourself of the flowers blooming inside your chest, and along with it, your love for Shouto.

It just wasn't something you could do.

Looking back at Recovery Girl, you shake your head. "The day I realized that I loved him was the happiest day of my life. From then on, there was no looking back. Even if he never realizes that I love him, even if he never returns my feelings for him, I promised to cherish my memories with him for as long as I lived."

"Is that how you truly feel?" she asks, nostalgia clear on her face.

"Yes," you reply firmly. "I can't imagine loving anyone else but him."

A knock at the door interrupts your conversation, and Recovery Girl re-bottles the pills and collects your forgotten chart. She shoots you one last look of concern before saying, "Come in," and hops off the chair to go about her usual business.

Todoroki enters the room not too long after with both of your belongings in tow, and you greet him with a thankful smile. He hands you your school uniform without a word and steps aside to close the bed curtain to give you some privacy to change. He's uncharacteristically silent, although you're not given much time to think about it as you realize the longer you take, the longer you're making him wait for you.

You quickly change, straightening out your uniform and hair the best you can without a mirror and re-emerge from behind the curtains several minutes later. Todoroki hands you your bag, and you accept it gratefully.

"Thank you for all your help," you say, bowing to Recovery Girl. "I'll let you know about the pills in the near future." Nodding to Todoroki, the both of you begin walking to the exit when you hear her voice call out to you.

"One last thing, dearie?" she says, nostalgia evident on her face as you look back at her. "I hope you tell him, one day." She looks at Todoroki and smiles, and suddenly you realize that she knew all along who's causing your Hanahaki.

Your face reddens in response, and you quickly make your way out of the room, dragging Todoroki by the hand.

Once you're out of the building, Todoroki coughs, and you quickly turn to him and release your hold on his hand. He's quick to stuff his other hand in his pocket, but you don't think much of it, too caught up on your own embarrassment of having dragged him across school campus without realizing it.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't realize we were already outside," you say sheepishly.

Todoroki looks at you confused for a moment, suddenly realizing that you had let go of him. You swear you imagine the brief flash of disappointment that appears on his features right afterwards.

"It's alright," he says. "I didn't mind."

A wave of silence washes over the two of you, and you're about to say your goodbyes when Todoroki stops you, his words ringing in your ears.

"I'm... sorry," he says, eyes turning downcast as he does. "Earlier in the hallway, after the mock battles— I shouldn't have spoken so harshly to you like that."

"It's fine—" You try to protest, but he looks back at you with eyes full of regret and your mouth closes on its own.

He fiddles with his fingers, and you realize it's a little unusual, yet endearing, seeing him so nervous. It reminds you of the way he used to play with his hands and rock his body whenever he had something important to say, but couldn't as a child.

"It's not fine. Earlier, during the mock trial, I wasn't thinking straight." His voice lowers and quietens, and all you can do is encourage him with a nod to let him know you're listening.

"I wasn't mad at you." You can tell there's more that he wants to say about it, but for some reason he doesn't. Your heart sinks at the notion that he still doesn't trust you, but you brush it off, intent on accepting all that he's willing to say and offer anyway. "I lashed out and pushed my anger onto you. But..."

He doesn't continue.

"But?"

He sighs.

"... Thank you, for staying by my side despite that." Todoroki's stopped fiddling with his fingers and is look at you now, eyes gentle and warm. "It helped, having you there."

Your heart swells, and you can't help the smile that spreads across your features. But behind the smile, there's a pang in your chest that you refuse to let him see. "Yeah! That's what friends do, right?"

A friend. That's what you meant to him, or so you hoped. Even now, you were unsure what you meant to him exactly.

A faint buzz in your pocket reminds you that you should be heading home. While you were asleep, too much time had passed and sunset was nearing with each passing second. If you waited any longer, you would be walking home in the dark.

With a heavy heart, your smile falls and you shift your bag so that it rests more comfortably on your shoulders. "I guess I should be heading home now. Thank you for waiting with me until now," you say.

Todoroki's eyes turn crestfallen, but when he doesn't say anything about it, you take it as your cue to turn and leave.

But not a second later, his hand shoots out to grasp yours, effectively stopping you in your tracks. Looking back at him, you can see the tips of his ears are tinged pink. Was he embarrassed?

"Don't leave."

"Huh?"

With his free hand, Todoroki ruffles his hair, shyly locking eyes with you. "I guess I'm trying to say that... I'll walk you home?"

And this time, it's your turn for your ears to turn pink for Todoroki doesn't give you time to answer. Almost immediately, he walks ahead and pulls you along so that you're following beside him, your hands still locked together.

"I can walk by myself!" you protest. Yet, you make no move to resist his hold. How hypocritical of you.

Your heart sighs in relief as Todoroki's grip on your hand loosens, and you think he's about to let go until he repositions your hands so that they're interlocking, trapping you in his grasp even further.

"I want to walk you home," he says, making sure to avoid eye contact with you. "Besides, this—" he motions towards your intertwined fingers, "—is what partners do, right?"

He's looking everywhere and anywhere but at you out of shyness, and all you can do is stare at him in shock and bewilderment. And then it clicks. He's reiterating your words from earlier, going beyond and acknowledging that your status with him is more than just friends. You're his Miai partner.

Your surprise soon melts away, and all that's left is a warm, fuzzy feeling within your chest. It's a small step, but it's finally a step forward in the right direction. Maybe... Just maybe there was hope for you after all.

And there was one more thing you knew for sure too.

You missed moments like this.

* * *

On your way home, you can't help but listen to the whispers of strangers as they notice your and Todoroki's interlocked hands. Public displays of affection are rare enough as it is, considering that it's usually reserved for those engaged, or already married. You could only imagine what kind of assumptions and fantasies were running through the onlookers' minds.

Frankly, you couldn't help but want to hide under a rock out of embarrassment.

Todoroki on the other hand, is either blissfully unaware or plays dumb rather well, and ignores the whispers that are passed around. If anything, his hold on you becomes more firm, more confident as time passes by. It's reminiscent of how the two of you held hands when you were kids, but this time something's different. There's no playful swinging of the arms, no mischievous squeezing of the hands, only welcoming warmth and a grip that says "Don't let go."

Todoroki's the first to break the silence, a surprise that's much welcomed in your eyes.

"This... this is nice," he says offhandedly.

"Walking home, or...?" Holding hands, you don't say aloud. His thumb caresses yours for a moment, contemplating the thought.

"All of it," he declares eventually. "Being with you, walking home together, holding hands— it's all warm. It's a nice feeling."

"O-oh." You don't know why you're suddenly bashful, but his sincere and straightforward compliment makes your stomach do acrobatic flips all over the place. "Yeah, I like it too. Being with you makes me happy."

 _It's just like when we were younger,_ you don't say aloud.

"What about the one who gave you your Hanahaki?"

You automatically stop in your tracks, unable to process what Todoroki had just said. He realizes it too, and stops as well.

"Sorry," he says. "Forget I said that."

He's about to start walking again, but you pull on his hand, gaining his attention once more. There's a sense of desperation and conflict within your eyes, and it takes him by surprise.

"You... you both make me happy." Why couldn't you just tell him that he's the one causing your Hanahaki? Why did you have to make life hard for yourself? It's tearing you up inside, but deep down you know the answer.

You're afraid to see the look of rejection and apathy on his face when he tells you that he doesn't remember you too.

While you're stuck in the past, Todoroki's moved on to meet the future, without you.

"I can't chose, not between the two of you," you whisper, looking away in shame. You fail to see the dejected look on his face as you do.

But in the next moment, he brushes it off and acts as if nothing had happened. With a gentle nudge of his hand, the two of you resume your walk home, hand in hand, in silence.

Being the gentleman that he is, Todoroki stays true to his word and walks you all the way to your front gate. Although you had insisted on parting ways at the train station, he had argued against it, saying that he was still concerned about your health. Unwillingly, you're left at the mercy of his whims.

The two of you stand in front of your house for a moment, neither one willing to release their hand first, to let the moment end.

"Tomorrow," Todoroki pipes up suddenly.

"Tomorrow?" you repeat, confusion clear in your voice.

He's staring at you, eyes boring into your own as he searches for something. You're not sure if he finds what he's looking for, as he soon averts his gaze to stare at the flowers beside your gate.

"Starting tomorrow, let's walk to school together." You know it's not a command— he's asking for your consent. Although it seems rather pointless; you were happy to oblige.

"I'd like that," you say sheepishly, looking away as well.

Satisfied with your response, Todoroki takes your pinky in his, interlocking them as he brings your hands up to chest level.

"Then," he says, "it's a promise. I'll pick you up."

He lets go of your hand and takes a step back, letting his hand fall away with a lingering touch as he does so. Almost instantly, your heart sighs at the loss of his warmth. It hadn't been a twenty minute walk and you were already addicted to his touch.

He ruffles your hair, causing you to look up at him in surprise. You swear you see a brief flash of a genuine smile on his face before it disappears, replaced by his usual look of nonchalance.

"Go inside," he says softly. "It's cold."

Mindlessly, you do as you're told. But just before you reach your door, you turn to Todoroki to say goodbye, only to stare at empty space where he once stood.

You didn't just imagine the whole exchange... did you?

You're functioning off of autopilot afterwards, greeting your father and grandmother monotonously as you finally remember to enter the house. You stay in that daze through dinner, homework, and even while getting ready for bed. It's only when your head hits your pillow and you realize you've been staring at Ochaco's contact for the past five minutes that you snap out of your daydream and actually press the send text button.

Not a second after you've pressed send, a small _ping_ lets you know you've received a reply. You let out a small laugh at the sight of it. It was like you and Ochaco practically breathed on the same wavelength.

* * *

 **You [09:17]:**

i think Todoroki just walked me home

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:17]:**_

 _GIRL WHAT DO YOU MEAN "I THINK"?_

 _DID HE OR DID HE NOT?_

 **[09:18] You:**

he did.

and

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:18]:**_

 _and?_

 **[09:18] You:**

he asked if we could start walking to school

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:25]:**_

 _sorry had to take care of something_

 _buT OMG WHAT WHAT!_

 _THAT'S GOOD ISN'T IT_

 **You [09:26]:**

yeah. it is

honestly i can't believe that it's real

i think he's also accepted me as his miai partner too

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:26]:**_

 _you know what this means, right?_

 **You [09:27]:**

what?

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:27]:**_

 _todoroki likes you_

 **You [09:30]:**

i'm soRRY WHAT

isn't that jumping the gun a bit too much there?

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:31]:**_

 _hun. no it isn't_

 _that's the entire point of these miai meetings_

 _to fall in love on mutual terms_

 **You [09:32]:**

hngglskdfj

you're not wrong

but i still think it's too soon to say that he "likes" me ok?

it's more like... he's tolerating my presence now

i think.

 _ **Ochaco 33 [09:34]:**_

 _you know i'm right_

 **You [09:36]:**

haha. yeah, sure

 _ **Ochaco [09:36]**_

 _girl please_

 _i've seen the way todoroki looks at you now_

 _trust me on this_

 **You [09:37]**

i mean i guess...

it's just hard to believe that it's real

 _ **Ochaco [09:38]**_

 _btw_

 _how do you feel now?_

 _i heard that you were taken to the infirmary after class_

 **You [09:40]**

better

just the same old stuff

 _ **Ochaco [09:40]**_

 _you mean the flowers_

 _:(((_

 **You [09:41]**

yeah...

listen, i'm gonna be okay alright?

worry about yourself for a change 3

 _ **Ochaco [09:42]**_

 _you're too precious to not worry about 33_

 _oops, mom's calling_

 _gotta go_

 _goodnight!_

 **You [09:42]**

night! :))

* * *

Sighing, you let your phone fall from your hands and drop onto the bed beside you. You're about to get ready for bed when suddenly your phone starts vibrating and playing your ringtone. Giving it a quick glance over, you're surprised to find that it's Todoroki who's calling. Nervously, you click "accept" and hesitantly bring the phone up to your ear.

"Hello?"

" _Oh, you're still awake,"_ you hear him say over the receiver. There's a slight pause, but the faint breathing you hear from the other end lets you know that he's still there. " _Sorry, I know it's late, but I forgot to tell you something earlier."_

His low voice is right next to your ear, sending shivers down your spine and your heart racing a mile a minute. Phone calls are dangerous, it seems.

"You're okay. I'm not ready for bed yet anyway. What's up?"

" _I—"_ Todoroki doesn't finish the sentence.

Then there's silence, intensifying the pounding beat within your ears.

" _Sleep well. Goodnight,"_ he says softly, and you swear you can almost imagine a smile in his voice.

The line drops after that, and you're beyond thankful that Todoroki can't see your face right now. With your cheeks flushed and burning on fire, there's no doubt that you heard his words loud and clear.

Honestly, Todoroki is dangerous. Too dangerous for your heart.

* * *

The next morning, you're in the middle of packing your things when your father calls out to you, saying that you have a friend at the door waiting for you.

Despite your disbelief, Todoroki had indeed promised to walk with you to school from now on.

You quickly gather the rest of your items, haphazardly throwing them inside your bag before running to the front door to greet your visitor.

Cheeks flushed and smile evident on your face, you happily greet Todoroki "Good morning!"

"Morning," he says politely. Looking towards your father, the two share a nod, shortly after which your father deems you to be in good hands and leaves the doorway to go about his own business.

Having thrown on your shoes, you re-adjust your school bag so that it fits more comfortably on your shoulders. Soon, you're standing next to Todoroki, staring at him in gleeful anticipation.

"Ready?" he asks, tucking a stray hair of yours into its rightful place.

"Ready!" you squeak, face suddenly hot from embarrassment.

And then, you hear it. Albeit small, it resounds within your mind, permanently etching itself within your soul.

Todoroki _laughs_.

The next moment he's smiling, and suddenly you realize—

You wouldn't give this moment up for the world.

* * *

 _I wish I could tell you "I love you", but then you'd disappear._


	8. i messed up author's note

hello! if you're reading this, thank you. i was unaware that i'm not allowed to be posting reader insert fics on FF. in compliance with their guidelines, i will be deleting this story in a week or so, since i intend to keep this a true reader's insert fic and not have a substitute OC.

however! i will still be updating it on ao3 and quotev. links to pt 8 will be posted below, just replace the DOT with a period and remove the extra spaces.

thank you for all your support until now.

ao3: archiveofourown DOT org/works/16586201/chapters/41184314

quotev: quotev DOT com/story/11443906/The-road-to-hell-is-paved-with-petals


	9. ch 9 updated! author's note

hello! 'the road to hell is paved with petals' has been updated on quotev and ao3. this will be my last update on , announcing my return and reminding you all that i will not be posting further chapters on here due to community guidelines.

for those of you who've been waiting for the past 8 months, enjoy! and for all the newcomers who've recently joined the party, i hope you enjoy your stay :))

happy reading! i'll have tissues ready for those who need it hehe


End file.
